Friday, April 4, 2014

Adjusting


We are all over here in our little world still adjusting and figuring out this new life of parenting three.  Actually, I think we have pretty much adjusted and forgotten what it was like to not have Evie, and we have settled back into that stage of things are harder because we have an infant, and everyone else in the family seems fine with it all.  I just have these pesky hormones that never seem to settle into any kind of normalcy until I am done nursing, which is still months away, so...there's that.  But we're hanging in there and figuring it out and praying a lot and also calling my mom and sister and friends to say remind that this is normal.  Tell me that how I feel is normal. 

What to report?


Evie is still a stinker, waking up multiple, multiple times a night--every two hours?  And then every once in a while, just to keep me on my toes, she'll sleep all. night. long.  I'm talking 7:00 pm to 6:00 am, and then the next night, back to every two hours.  Who knows?  And she still only naps in 45 minute increments.  Though, again, she likes to switch it up a bit and throw in a long nap every once in a while just to show me how nice it would be if she did that every day ;)  But we sure do love her.  I can't stop kissing her cheeks and her fuzzy head and her little feet.  And in the midst of the hard that comes with parenting, I also still have so many moments of awe that I get to do this.  That I get to be their mom.  I will say it a million times--what a gift to be their mother.  To have these children.

John told us the other night, out of the blue, that when he was a little boy he used to have a different family.  Three brothers, a sister, and another mom and dad.  I asked him about his other mom, and he explained that his other mom is different than me because his other mom is never mean.  I asked him, just to clarify, if I am mean.  And he got this look on his face, like "I hate to tell you this mom, but..." and then he nodded his head yes, so it turns out, if someone asked John to describe me, mean would be one of the adjectives.  Also, his other mom has less freckles than me, except he calls them sprinkles.  By the way, Scott was laughing very hard as John broke the mean news to me.  I made a point to say that I bet his other mom doesn't cook his dinner and do his laundry and find his lost ninja turtle a million times a day.  And to that he explained that his other mom took him to toys r us and bought him LOTS of ninja turtle toys.  So...


We are in a good season of homeschooling, where things are going smoothly.  I don't take that for granted because I know that our hard season will come around again, but I am thankful for this sweet moment in time.  Ada is really loving history these days, and we are reading an autobiography of Corrie Ten Boom, which goes well with lots that we have learned about World War II.  This is my first year to begin to see the fruit of classical education, as Ada begins to make connections.  She hears the words Prime Minister and asks, "Churchill?"  and when she heard in the autobiography that something evil was rising in Germany, Ada answered, "I bet it's Hitler."  I love the conversations that are happening as a result of our Classical Conversations memory work.  It gives me the motivation to press on in the midst of the hard.  And there is plenty of hard, but I want to record the good too.  The fruit of our labor.  Today, she and John were playing outside, and I went to check on them.  They were busy in that bright sunshine playing Corrie Ten Boom, with the back yard gate being the door to their secret room.  In that moment, motherhood was going just as I imagined it would go--my children outside, playing together, acting out scenes about historical heroes of the faith...picture music playing in the background as the stars aligned.  About fifteen minutes later, they were back inside, mad because I wouldn't let them watch cartoons and Ada settled for reading a my little pony book instead--not the same picture ;)  (also, keeping it real, Ada bombed a spelling test today, so there is definitely still hard in the midst of the good ;) ) 



So, life marches on.  And I am thankful for where we are.  There is lots of hard and exhausting and overwhelming during this season, but there is also lots of good and rewarding and sweet. 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

John turns four

John at four, because how can I not document a birthday on the blog?

He turned four on February 8th, and celebrated with a stomach virus.  Bless him.  Scott's parents and niece were here, and we had invited a few families from church to eat pizza with us, but we quickly cancelled that when we realized he was sick.  So...he spent his birthday lying on the couch.  It broke my heart a little bit. 

But he felt better by the next afternoon, and our little family of five quickly rallied and picked up an appropriately themed cake and celebrated after all. 

At four John is growing up right before my eyes.  He is super independent these days.  He wants to do everything by himself, and it tries my patience ;)  I have to remind myself that I must let him struggle through these essential daily skills if he is going to grow.  But goodness gracious the time it takes for him to dress himself or buckle his seat belt or whatever else fills in the blank of things an independent four year old tries to do.  He also no longer loves to cuddle with me.  He actually reminds me of myself in that way.  I am not naturally a hugger or a cuddler and I crave my space.  John seems to be that way (unlike Ada!!)  At bed time, Scott lies in the bed with Ada and I lie in the bed with John while we read and pray.  Well, John wants me in the bed, but he doesn't want me to touch him.  And I am only "allowed" to kiss him on the top of his head.  I can not kiss his cheek.  And one night, after we had a hard day of disobedience and discipline, I was trying to talk to him and have a good moment with him before bed, and he humoured me for a while until he sighed, and said, "can I go to sleep now, mom?"  He is my boy, and I already see glimpses of how different that relationship will look from my relationship with Ada. 

Though he can still be moody, he doesn't have the strong feelings that I suspected he would have.  Things roll off of him a lot, in a way that they don't roll off of Ada.  In fact, I really thought he would have a strong reaction to Evie's birth, but it never even phased him.  It was as if nothing had changed.  He does still seem to be a major introvert, and prefers home and even playing by himself.


At four he creates little pretend worlds all the time, usually involving good guys vs. bad guys and things like "saving the day" and "protecting his family," and things like that.  He is very into ninja turtles right now, and daily assigns a different turtle identity to each member of the family.  Even Evie becomes a turtle.  He had some birthday money, and he used the money to buy a ninja turtle.  (he had one other one from a happy meal, which is how the ninja turtle obsession began).  Well, a few days ago, he mentioned that he couldn't find the ninja turtle, and as of last night, he still hadn't found it, and we were all becoming concerned.  I asked him if he wanted to pray about it, and I reminded him that God knew where it was, even though none of us did.  So, we prayed about it, asking God to help us find that ninja turtle.  Well, today, we were all gathered in my bedroom (Scott was still at work), while I nursed Evie.  John and Ada were just sort of hanging out, and John was looking out the bedroom window, sort of absent-mindedly.  All of a sudden he very enthusiastically yelled, "my ninja turtle!!"  it was lying in the grass in the front yard, and he happened to notice it while looking out the window!!!  He and Ada ran outside to get it, and, I kid you not, he had tears in his eyes because he was so excited to have it back.  I reminded him that we had prayed about it, and he said very excitedly, "God found my ninja turtle!"  I know it sounds trivial, but to his four year old heart, I was so thankful for this very big deal in his world that begins to reveal truth to him.  God is big, so much bigger than us, and when he can't find his ninja turtle, he can turn to God about that.

It's also a big year for John as he shifted from youngest to middle child.  He loves Evie so much.  All day long he says, "where's my cute girl?  How's my cute girl?"  And he practically smothers her with his hugs, kisses, and shared toys.  Maybe that is the cause of the independent streak--he is stepping into his new responsibility of big brother ;)


We love our John.  We are so thankful for him.  With Evie, I feel this need, more than ever, to somehow savor this baby stage--soaking in the sounds, smells, cuddles--you know.  (as if it is really possible to soak it in or slow down time), but while I am extra-obsessed with Evie ;), I am also seeing how much fun it is to watch my children grow into their God-given personalities.  It's so exciting to see who God has created them to be, in a way that I can't see when they are babies.  So, as bittersweet as it may be for the years to pass, it's also really fun to watch who John is becoming. 

Friday, January 31, 2014

Life

(I wrote this on Saturday, but I am just now posting.  Obviously, lots of life has happened since writing this...)

I am so focused on wanting to blog about Evie because right now at our house she is what we are all obsessed with, but in the mean time, life is going on and things are happening that don't directly involve her. 
(a sick John and Evie in a super tacky outfit because she had spit up and been changed so many times that this is all we were left with.  On this day they both wanted mom.  Only mom would do.)

She is, of course, always indirectly involved in every single thing.  I had forgotten how much a nursing baby controls my life.  Today I went to the grocery store, and I had a rather long list.  I am back into couponing full swing, plus I am trying to shop for two weeks at a time versus one (other than the "fresh" things that I need to buy each week--milk, produce, etc.).  Anyway, I nursed Evie, and sprinted out the door, the clock ticking before I even left the driveway.  And I felt panicky because I was gone for two hours.  She, miraculously slept almost the whole time I was gone, but that is the exception.  She is attached to me, and it slows things down a bit.  a lot.  I love nursing my babies; I really do, and I am pretty hard core committed to doing whatever needs to be done to make it happen (after our unfortunate nursing experience with Ada, not taking for granted the fact that Evie is a good nurser.  it doesn't always work out that way), but there is also quite the sense of freedom when I am done nursing (freedom mixed with sadness).  So there is this adjustment going on right now as I am reminded of how very attached to me a baby is that first year (year and half, let's get real).  Some days I wish I could find a place to hide.  But, also, I love every second of it.  So many emotions.
 (Her cheeks.  I can't get over her cheeks)

So, other than the fact that Evie is so very attached to me right now and so much does revolve around her, life does march on as always. 
(My John.  He seems so big to me these days!  A week away from 4!!)

There is first grade.  I think we are finally in a rhythm, a routine, a this is how we do school in our family versus how I thought it would look.  I have heard so many times, been warned by so many articles and veteran homeschooling mamas, "don't try to make school at home look like school at school."  It's not the same.  Yet, yet, I did have this pretty little picture in my head.  Us all waking up at 7ish, doing our morning chores (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha), eating breakfast and getting dressed, and then all sitting down to begin our school day.  It was such an orderly picture in my mind.  It turns out, that's not how homeschool works for us.  I have been fighting that for a while.  Instead of just going with what does work for us, I kept trying to make it look like the picture.  But, oddly enough, the birth of Evie is sort of what forced me into a routine that is finally working.  We just fit it in.  We do school all of the time.  I mean, we start in the mornings, first thing, some times we have already eaten breakfast, some times we haven't.  Ada might already be in dress up clothes--a princess dress or ballet leotard or maybe just her pajamas.  And I most certainly am still in pajamas, mascara still under my eyes, but we just jump in.  We quickly review our memory work for the week.  We do that first thing because it was always the thing that I let slide.  I start there because I know that I will get the phonics and the math done, so I start with the hardest thing to swallow.  I don't know why memory work has been that thing for us, but now we just jump in, pajamas, unbrushed hair, and all.  Then, if miraculously, Evie is still sleeping or back down for a morning nap, I quickly go over all that Ada can do on her own without me--her math facts, her copy work, her math worksheet, etc. etc, and then I sit her down to work on it, while I run get in the shower.  If she finishes, she gets to have a break--whatever she feels like doing.  Most likely, she will bring things for me to check while I am drying my hair, and almost daily she has to redo something.  Ada, it turns out, is not a perfectionist.  She is not careful and meticulous--it's just not who she is.  So...that usually means she has to redo copy work.  Look at a math problem again.  That sort of thing.  And there are always interruptions.  Evie wakes up.  She wants to eat (always).  John needs me.  Laundry needs to be switched out or the kitchen cleaned.  So, usually by the time I have showered and dried my hair, it's lunch time.  I used to freak out if the majority of our school wasn't done by lunch time.  I have let that go, and it's working so. much. better.  So, while I cook lunch, we will usually do Ada's spelling list.  She might just spell the words out loud, or even sit on the counter and write them on the white board.  The point is, we do them.  And then we use the time we are eating lunch to read our timeline cards, go a little bit more in depth with something.  The point is, I steal little moments to get it all done.  It is not at all orderly or organized or anything.  The only set things are memory work first thing to make sure it gets done and independent work while I shower and get ready for the day.  Everything else we fit it in.  There are times that means we are finally finishing up phonics right before dinner, and I am finally okay with that.  I am sure, like everything else in life, that every year, every month, every week even, I will learn more and adjust more and figure out more about how to do school.  I also find myself more than ever, saying, "Lord, show me what to do."  I mean, I say this about everything.  Show me what to do about the grocery budget this week--Evie's naps--Ada and John's messy room--and first grade.  Show me what to do about first grade.  And he does.  He directs my steps. 
(she sits in a booster for school, because it puts her at the right height for neat handwriting--fyi)

And he gives me glimpses of the big picture.  Last week we were going over the timeline cards for the week--we were reciting, "Slave Trade in Africa," and then, "The Spanish Inquisition," and Ada wanted to know more about those things.  So, (we love our timeline cards), we spent some time reading the back of the cards.  I briefly, so inadequately, talked to Ada about slavery, so we talked about sin.  And Ada, on her own, noticed that so many of the timeline cards have to do with sin.  There is so much sin.  And there I sat, talking to my six year old about how history shows us man's condition.  We kept turning the cards over to read, and Ada would say, "more sin."  And I saw a seed planted, a brief moment of understanding in her face...we are so very fallen.  History shows it.  And we desperately need a savior.  And as frazzled as our days can be, I am so thankful that I am learning side by side with Ada, and that the learning isn't separate, instead, it bleeds into all aspects of our life.  It's a gift.

In the mean time, little John isn't so little.  He turns four in less than two weeks!!!  And I am not even close to being prepared for that.  Through several conversations, I realize that he is expecting a party--oops.  I planned on a party next year.  You know, when he's five and I don't have a newborn.  So, I asked him who he wanted to invite, and luckily, our immediate family was on the guest list, and he even mentioned a friend's dog, so...I do think I have one more year before things get serious ;)  But don't worry, our sweet and funny boy will be celebrated, but in a non-stressful manner.  A themed cake, pizza, a few balloons, and I think that will be one four year old who feels very birthdayed. 

Oh my word, this blog post is swiftly turning into a book. 

The point?  We are adjusting to life in a very frazzled, unorganized, but getting-the-job-done way.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Two Months

Little Miss Evie is two months today.  I can't believe it has only been two months, but also it seems as if time is flying by. 

We are all in love with our Evie.  John says all the time through out the day, "is that my cute girl?  Where's my cute girl?"  And Ada begs to hold her and talk to her and kiss her.  We all kiss her all of the time.  And her smell.  Oh my goodness, her snuggled up in my arms, that little baby bottom sticking out, her fuzzy red hair right under my chin, and the sweet smell.  The sweet smell.  There are things that are so hard, and I can't pretend that I won't be glad when life is a bit more stable--when routines are established--but at the same time I want her to stay this small forever.  She's so squishy and cuddly and funny and sweet, and we just love her so much.

A few things about Evie at two months.

She nurses ALL THE TIME.  I mean, there is no other way to describe it.  She nurses all the time.  There is no schedule--she nurses when she wakes up and before she goes to sleep and sometimes in between.  I have sort of tried to figure out a schedule, but it's just not happening right now.  I think it will all work itself out when she settles into a more normal nap schedule. 


As for naps, she takes several 45 minute naps throughout the day.  It never fails, she always wakes up after 45 minutes.  I think this will change as she gets older.  She's still so little. 


Her nights, on the other hand, I am spoiled, spoiled.  She basically sleeps through the night.  We have settled into a sort of routine where I bathe her around 7 or 8, then I nurse her in her dark room, and then I rock her for a little while before laying her down.  She is usually drifting off at the point but not sound asleep, and she might cry for a few minutes, but that is about it.  I usually have to feed her one more time before I go to bed for the night, and then usually again around 4 am.  In other words, I am getting a very normal amount of sleep.  I am so thankful for the sleep, to wake up each morning refreshed. 
We are getting a few smiles out of her, but she does not give them away easily.  And we have just reached a point where she has content moments while awake.  Before the past week, she really wasn't very happy when she was awake unless I was nursing her, but we have really turned a corner this past week, and she has been content for up to 30 minutes at a time, lying on the bed looking around or sitting in her bouncy seat looking around.  She is such a starer, and she gets her eyes on something and is mesmerized. 

It's already hard to remember what it was like without her in our family!  It makes so much sense for her to be here.

Sweet Evie.  Sweet, chunky, Evie.  Precious girl.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Life with three

I started this blog when Ada was only a few months old.  I was freshly home from what had been a career that I loved.  Scott and I were still newlyweds really, and we were a bit shell shocked by the way a newborn had shifted our universe.  It felt so hard to have that one baby.  It was so hard to have that one baby.  I was lonely and a bit baffled by motherhood.  I missed work.  I missed getting dressed every morning while it was still dark outside and driving through the city to my exit.  I missed the "careerness"  of it, and I was struggling to figure out how to fill the hours.  I knew that I wanted to be at home, but I was struggling to find purpose in the constant feed, change the diaper, burp the baby, put the baby down for a nap.



And here we are, six years later.  Six and a half years later, and it is once again hard.  But hard in such a different way.  The constant feed, burp, diaper changing is now lost in the midst of homeschooling and parenting and budgeting for a family of five rather than that family of 3.  And I feel like I hardly see Scott as we are in the trenches of parenting young children and much of life feels like tag teaming rather than running side-by-side.  I feel like my voice constantly sounds frantic.  Is that Evie crying?!  Can you grab her while I finish dinner?!  Are Ada and John fighting again?!!  where did I put the math work book?  It's lost in the gigantic pile of papers that we call the school room.  and on and on and on the frantic goes, and it's hard to stop and nurse Evie without it feeling like an inconvenience, much less find the time to talk to Scott or actually think through parenting decisions rather than just reacting to the situation at hand.

 I write all this not to say that this is good or how it should be.  Instead, I write it to say that this is the adjusting that is now taking place.  Adjusting to Ada meant figuring out what to do with what felt like too much time.  way too much time.  Silence and a quiet apartment and how do we fill our days?  And now adjusting feels like, how do we dial down the frantic?  How do we stop running around and reacting to situations and switch to purposeful parenting of three?  I know that life can still be purposeful, and I know that much of that will happen naturally as we move out of these early survival weeks into more normal, predictable weeks.  I know that I will wake up one day, and we will have adjusted.  Which is another thing that honestly makes this adjustment easier.  With Ada, I didn't know that we would certainly adjust; it just took time.  This time, I know the adjustment will come.  Scott and I say that a lot.  Think about what life will look like six months from now!  a year from now!  Not to wish away the time, but to remind ourselves to breath and not panic because this isn't the new normal.  It's not.  Of course life will be fuller, busier, and yes, more frantic, with three children instead of two, but it won't always be this frantic.  Evie will get older.  Things will settle down.  We will figure this thing out.  (With much prayer, of course!!!)

But, but, the melancholy in me feels a bit of grieving over that quiet apartment, that one baby, and the excitement we would feel when Scott got home from work (at about 5:00 versus 7:00 or sometimes 8:00).  It was simpler.  And we were so young.  Or it feels like we were so much younger.  Because, though it felt like it wouldn't happen, we did adjust, and I had all of this time to enjoy baby Ada.  Long walks and looking at her and talking to her, and even naps with her.  But though there are less of them, I still have those moments with Evie.  In the wee hours of the morning when she needs to eat and the rest of the house is sleeping.  Or late in the evening when Ada and John are finally asleep and Scott and I can finally sit down and breathe.  Those are the moments that I take the time to look at Evie, drink in the smell of her, the sounds.  Feel the weight of her in my arms--all curled up in that newborn way with her diapered bottom sticking out. 

So here we are.  So different from the first time we became parents, but also so much the same.  We are figuring this thing out.  I am praying.  A LOT.  And we are confident that we will survive this and our family will come out on top. 

I always have more that I want to blog.  Ada's ballet recital, Christmas, I started weight watchers (because that has been different too!!!  It was much easier to lose this baby weight six years ago!!), and just the general information about what Evie is like.  So maybe I will get to that.  We'll see...

Monday, December 9, 2013

Update

I want to blog about these early days.  These adjusting days.  These, welcome to our family, Evie, days.  But, there is a long list of things that need to be done each day, and I am somewhat baffled by how to get those things done, so the blog falls waaaay to the bottom of the list.

In one breath I could say that things are going surprisingly well, and I could also say that having three children is kicking my tail.  It just depends on the exact minute in the day which one I would claim.

Right now, Ada and John are watching a cartoon, which is fine because they have played all afternoon in their bedroom.  And Evie is snoozing in her room.  And Scott is even here working from home this week.  Dinner is in the crockpot.  We actually got phonics and math done today.  I even cleaned the bathroom (it was high time), and the laundry is caught up.  Well, there are a few piles that need to be put away, but it's in good shape for the most part.

But earlier?  Earlier, Evie was screaming, and I had already fed her, so I didn't even really know what she needed.  Ada and John both needed lunch, and we had not even begun to think about starting the school day even though it was noon.  The shower had been sprayed with cleaner, and then sat there soaking in the cleaner for over an hour because I couldn't get back to it.  The laundry was piled on the dining room table, and at one point I had tears rolling down my face as I stirred the oh-so-healthy lunch of boxed mac and cheese.  In that moment, I couldn't figure out how to even find the time to breathe with three kids much less do anything else on my list. 

In other words, it's just one step at a time.  And we are making it.  Sort of.

Let me do a quick summary of the past three weeks.  She's three weeks today!!

The day I got home from the hospital, I started getting sick.  I ended up with a bad case of bronchitis?  something in my lungs/deep cough/sore throat/completely lost my voice/ basically did not feel well, and that was completely separate from the recovering from the C-section, dealing with normal post-partum healing. 

My mom was here through Thanksgiving, and then because I was sick and Scott was working long hours at work, I went back to Alabama with her to get one more week done before I had to be on my own with all three.  During those weeks with my mom, Evie was basically unhappy unless nursing.  When I say she was nursing all the time, she was nursing ALL THE TIME.  If she was awake, she was nursing.  I was her pacifier, basically.  So, this past Friday at her two week doctor's appointment (she was older than two weeks), I said, "what do I do?!!!"  And he encouraged me to keep trying the pacie, let her "cry-it-out" for just about 3 minutes at a time, and try to stretch her feedings to every two hours.  And we have done it!!!  I am sure some of it is that she is now three weeks old, and the pacifier is easier for her, but we have managed to get her on a sort of schedule, and I am so relieved.  There was no way I could nurse her that much without my mom here, so I am so thankful that the nursing issue is resolved. 

Now that she will take a pacifier and is on a much more normal eating schedule, I might say that Evie is my easiest baby of all three of my children.  Once we got her eating schedule worked out, she immediately began sleeping longer stretches at night--five hours the past two nights!!!  She still fights sleep during the day, and usually doesn't settle into a good, long nap until the afternoon, but she really is an easy, predictable baby to be only three weeks old.  And, I should add that today she has nursed every hour and half, but I am okay with that compared to the every ten or fifteen minutes we were doing.  I'm not kidding.

Ada and John are adjusting so well.  I mean, there have been the normal behavior issues that come with life being disrupted, but I really thought John was going to have a strong reaction to Evie entering the family.  He's barely even noticed.  In fact, towards the end of the pregnancy, he became so clingy, and now that Evie is here, he is back to his normal self!!  Praise the Lord.

So, all in all, I would say that things are going as well as can be expected.  Or maybe even surprisingly well.  My emotions seem to be "in check" for the most part.  I don't feel too terribly exhausted thanks to the past two nights.  And life is continuing on, though at a slower pace than normal. 

I have lots of pictures, of course, but it was nearly impossible to get these words typed.  I don't think I can take the time right now to download pictures.  That will have to happen on another day.

Bottom line, we are so thankful for Evie, and I keep trusting that over time, we will figure this thing out.  God is gracious to meet me in my needs for this day!!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Evelyn Edith Moore

Evie is here! 

She was born via C-section on Monday morning, November 18th, at 8:16 am.  I can't believe she is here, yet it already seems like she has always been here. 

This might be a super long post.  Forgive me. 

On the Monday prior to the C-section, so November 11th, I had an appointment with the specialist to check on Evie's size.  At that appointment, they predicted her weight to be 9 lbs 6 oz.  They also saw for the first time that I had an excess amount of amniotic fluid.  Because of the excess fluid, they told me that they would need to see me again on the 18th.  I was so frustrated because it just felt like there was always some new thing for them to check on.  But, anyway, I left that appointment with the information that she was 9'6, with a 10% margin of error. 

I then decided to reschedule my regular OB appointment to Wednesday so that I could meet with someone who would potentially do the C-section if that was the route we decided to go.  (The doctor that I had been meeting with was on crutches due to back surgery, and is not currently delivering babies).  So, I went to my appointment on Wednesday, with my main prayer being clarity.  I prayed lots about the decision, and I decided that God had provided these doctors, and I was going to trust their guidance.  At the appointment on Wednesday, the doctor strongly, strongly suggested that I go ahead with the C-section, and I counted that as answered prayer--the decision was made.  It turns out that the doctor I wanted was not going to be on call any this past week, so I chose another doctor, and the C-section was scheduled for Monday morning at 7:30.  I was so relieved that the decision was finally made.  To say that I had analyzed the decision to death is an understatement!!  For weeks I had been weighing the pros and cons, so to move forward with a decision was a huge weight lifted.

Now, obviously, there were advantages to that decision.  The big one being that I could plan everything.  My mom and my sister Sarah arrived Saturday, Scott was able to arrange for time off from work in advance, Scott's parents made plans to get to the hospital on Monday, we were able to enjoy a last fun night out as a family on Friday night, etc. etc.  I was trying to really look at the good things about the C-section.

My nerves were on overdrive by Sunday night of course, and I slept maybe 3 hours that night, despite going to bed very early.  We had to be at the hospital by 5:30 on Monday morning, and it felt a bit like Christmas morning, with some fear mixed in ;)  I mainly prayed for peace.  Or, begged for peace might be more accurate. 
leaving for the hospital.  That big baby still tucked into my tummy.  So glad she is out now!!


After we got checked in to the hospital, and the nurses began hooking me up to everything, I admit I did have a moment of overwhelming panic.  I kid you not, I thought I might just bolt from that bed, and take off running as fast as I could from that hospital (which would have been really slow considering my hugely pregnant self).  Then, the nurse accidentally "blew a vein" (proper terminology?), when trying to put in the iv, which then caused me to throw up, and then after the throwing up, I calmed down.  Blessing in disguise?  I think so.  I felt so much better after that.  Ha.  I promise I kept thinking if I am panicking now, how in the world will I make it through the C-section?  So the vein situation and the throwing up was a huge answer to prayer, and then I was super calm. Everything was pretty much on schedule, and by 8:00 the doctor was starting the surgery.  The insane calm stayed with me up until they actually got Evie out, which I was so thankful for, I mean, I couldn't stop saying thank you, Lord, over and over in my head. 
at the hospital, getting ready to check in.  The doors were locked, so we had to wait for about ten minutes outside.  a little crazy.


Scott getting ready for the operating room.  We were laughing so hard at his "get up."


And she's here!  After what felt like an eternity, I finally got to see her.  Scott got to see her before me, so he took some pictures and showed them to me before he finally got to bring her over to me.

not enjoying the C-section at this point ;)  They told Scott he could go with Evie to the recovery room, and as he was about to walk out, I grabbed his hand and said, "stay!!"


And we both made it to recovery, and I am so happy and relieved to be there! 

Things did take a turn after Evie was actually out and they were sewing me up.  I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, I didn't like the C-section at that point, and I think I was having a minor panic attack or a reaction to the anesthesia or some combination of all of the above.  But, the thing is, it was all so quick.  I mean, a vaginal delivery can get a bit like that too--painful, panicky, etc. etc.--and then it's over, and it was so quick, and you have this baby.  This beautiful, miraculous baby.  So, in hindsight, the C-section was so not bad.  Really.  It was SO QUICK, and there I was in recovery by nine-something with my beautiful baby.  Plus, by then, ten minutes after surgery, the anesthesiologist had put something in my epidural that made me blissfully numb, and I was euphoric over my new baby.

It is the most blissful thing in the world to see that baby for the first time, isn't it.  I mean, I saw her in the operating room for a brief second, but to be there in that room with her, and the nurse handing her to me, and nursing her for the first time.  It is magic and a miracle and a gift, and I can't believe I got to do it for a third time.  Thank you, Lord, for undeserved gifts.  At one point in the operating room, I looked at Scott and said, "never again.  I will never do this again."  Then thirty minutes later with that brand new life in my arms, I looked at Scott and said, "I could do this a million times." 

I will stop there.  I want all the details recorded.  I do.  For me, for Evie, for the record of our little family.  So, I will be back with more. 

I will end by saying, I just adore little Evie.  Just like I adored Ada and John and still do.  But, the sweetness of those newborn sounds and faces and the way her little body just curls up.  It's too much. 

By the way, she was 9 lbs 2 oz, 20 inches long.  Precious girl.